Friday, December 19, 2008

Bringing Order To Chaos

We arrived at the White Swan Hotel in Guangzhou at 9:00 last night. According to an article in yesterday's China Daily, constructed in 1982, this was the first luxury hotel built in China since the establishment of the People's Republic. While lacking some of the refinements of the Peninsula Palace (our hotel in Beijing) the White Swan is a beautiful property. Best of all, at least at 9:00 last night, out junior suite was spotless.

We left behind a chaotic mess at the Majestic Hotel in Nanning. While the piles of wet towels and dirty laundry were confined to the bedroom and master bathroom, the living room floor was covered with cold rice and noodles, relics the previous night's dinner and Li Na's new found insistence on feeding herself.

Our new, clean room gave us a sense of security. It gave us hope that the three of us could bring order to the chaos that had defined our lives for the last several days. And we do have reason to hope.

Li Na is what the Victorians would have called a "very willful child." Every day she demonstrates a new level of determination to do things herself, and her own way. However, this independent streak was not entirely apparent from the outset.

When we received her, Li Ze was wearing three layers of clothes. Her attire was more appropriate for Admiral Byrd's expedition than the 70+ degree weather in Nanning. We have since noticed that even in the most tropical climates, all children in China are bundled up as if in anticipation of an Antarctic blast of cold air. We get lots of disapproving looks and comments from older Chinese women about what they perceive to be the scanty clothing in which Li Na is now clad.

But back on day one with us, she was overdressed, perspiring and dehydrated. We gave her a pink sippy cup filled with water, and for the next several days, that sippy cup never left her grasp. She carried it everywhere we went, and even slept with it at night. This led to some confusion in the mornings as to whether that wet spot in her crib was from sippy cup or defective Huggies.

She had a similar attachment to a pair of dirty red socks that she wore on the trip from her foster home in Guilin.

We have since learned that she has been in two foster homes. While the story is vague, she was apparently placed with a foster family shortly after birth. In that family she had siblings with whom she purportedly enjoyed playing. For reasons that were never fully explained, there came a time when her first foster mother could no longer care for her. She was then placed with an older couple who had retired to Guilin after careers as teachers in Shanghai.

Perhaps this history explains her attachment to the red socks and sippy cup. She clung to them as physical manifestations of continuity. Her life had little in the way of stability or security, but these things that she could hold onto were hers and hers alone, and no one was going to take them away.

She also clung to us for the first two days. By day three, she was walking just a bit, but holding our hand wherever she went. By day 5 she was running ahead, not at all interested in being led around by us.

There are other manifestations of this growing independent streak.

She refuses to sit in a high chair, demanding instead to have an adult seat at the table. On the plane last night, she would not let us buckle her in. Through multiple efforts of trial and error, she eventually figured it out. She was probably the only passenger on the plane for whom that seat belt demonstration before take off was actually helpful.

All of this independence suggest that she is slowly coming to realize that even if she leaves our side, we will still be there for her. She is sensing an emerging order to her life and with structure comes security.

But with this new found security, sippy cup has all but fallen by the wayside. We still take it with us when we go out as a type of insurance against total melt downs (much like tangerines and Cheerios) but she no longer insists upon clinging to it. Now, if the crib is wet in the morning, we know the Huggies are to blame.

1 comment:

MStebby said...

I am glad you guys are finding a little order... I have to say though, that upon returning home, our house has now become a Scarlett playland. There are toys EVERYWHERE. It looks like a toy bomb went off. I try to contain them, but as soon as something is put away then she finds it and pulls it out and plays with it. There must be something magical about toys in the toy box that children find irresistible.
When we got to Guanghzou it was like being on vacation. It was warm and everything seemed easier, plus the 'grandma clothing police' weren't there.
Love,
Maryanne